blog 1

Everybody is a writer, everybody is a thinker. Well, people express themselves in different ways and most people do not dare to do so. I know I lack the corońes to express everything on my mind. I sincerely do not know where to start and how to start. I do not even think a confession to a priest would be what I need. Is repressing all my feelings, all my thoughts, all my desires, all my hatreds, everything I despise what builds me and the way I think? Or is there nothing in me and everything I repress is actually the stuff that is worthy to come out and the only thing I should work on is the form in which it is going to come out? 

I do not know where I stand. The real trauma of life is trying to understand that everybody else is also the centre of the universe. It is to see that everybody finds their ways to deal with life. No one knows how to deal with life so we all invent excuses. We legitimize the way we think in a way we think is reasonable and what we do not want to accept is that reason has no grounds to stand on. Reasons is just the universal lie to deal with life. The only frustrating thing is that the most popular the reason, the bigger the lie.

The French existentialists did try to share the idea that life is what you make of it, so deal with that freedom. Nietzsche held a more or less equivalent speech though he did not have much balls most of his life to act on his impulse, to run and get the girl he wanted, and the one time he got to act as he wanted people got surprised by the inconsistency of his behaviour and locked him up. Why do we freeze in front of the unexpected? We are all pussies. And we gang up on the cocks to drown them. But the cocks are to be admired! The real cocks, not the wanna-be cocks who dress in a fashionable ways for their bohemian ways.

Deal with the impossible should be our life motto. But there are so many me's. I suffer from my humanity and strive to accepted as well...I know that so many facets of my life would displease one or the other person. Where does this fear of rejection comes from? Are we only confronting ids and superegos? Are they one and the same? Should I really care? Should we really care? I find that not so many people care. Not many people realize that news are the same, wither it is about politics, economics or film stars, it is all some form of entertainment which will never change us until each of us try to make a single analysis, a real point of view on the questions. Knowing facts amounts to nothing except for our scientific mind. And for our scientific mind, everybody wants to be an expert. What about the real strive for universal knowledge where everything is interrelated as it is in reality?

I do not know where to put myself. I feel like a chameleon sometimes, having the knowledge at hand to perform a social interaction as expected. My mother taught me that it was an essential skill. She actually taught me that creating the improbable was a blasphemy. And I do, most of the times when I am with her, suffer from that repression. I do repress myself normally and my hypotheses is that everybody do. Could it be that it is only the 2^nd siblings that do? I am not sure. As I said, the first trauma is the misunderstanding that the centre of the universe is relative. My second trauma was my position in my family. It is normal to be a younger brother and an older brother at the same time. Is it supposed to be? There are so many researches on 2^nd siblings that the trauma gets wider.

Anyway, I rarely blog ( as put a purely personal segment of my frame of mind at a given space-time) but felt like it. I am writing at the moment a short history of the world where I am trying to understand what holds a society together and what are the processes of change. Synchronic/Diachronic;Wave/Particle- one of the real problems of contemporary philosophy alongside the existence of the fourth dimension (a dot lives on a page, how can he ever notice us?)